I don't have a great deal of luck with women. I'm the shy type, too, which makes things doubly hard when attempting to express my feelings. Several female friends I find very attractive, but don't have the courage nor confidence to say what I think. Either that or they're already with a partner, which renders my perspective mute by design.
I've managed one relationship that was two-way - them giving, me giving, and that was early in my youth, when we were too young to care. A topic on single people sparked the following response when I was 17, that stays with my standpoint to this day:
I get fed up with the intentions of a lot of people I meet as biased towards getting a quick fling, or pulling to blag to all their mates, or because they're so insecure with their social position that they think they have to have a partner for whatever length of time just to fit the usual mould. It bores me to tears. And not because I'm jealous that I'm not in a relationship, couldn't give much care right now personally...
To be honest I'd be much happier if I found a decent female soulmate to share thoughts and get through life with. As puritan as it may sound the drive for sex and novelties just aren't there for me in huge supply and even if they are through being lustful of someone who looks nice, I always remember in the back of my mind that if they're nobody inside it's not worth it in my case.
All comes down to what you actually want out of a relationship though doesn't it. As nasty and vague as it may sound I think some women lie about having a man with attributes of depth and instead just use it as grounds to talk about themselves overzealously - a doormat so they can wipe their pseudo-substance (aka attention whoring) all over proceedings. I hate that, it's completely selfish and even worse than just admitting you want nothing more or less than the primitive needs associated with sex.
Saying that I'm in no doubt there are a lot of women who think otherwise, and to those who actually do want a more meaningful person to talk to, I hope you find one soon. It's the same as finding a needle in a haystack if you don't have the right enviroment to be lucky in - my advice is to pursue with your interests and maybe through that you'll at least make some mutual friendships, which in time could develop into what you want. Keep positive.
I've known guys who have fell in love with women sixteen years older than them. As it happens the majority of women that appeal to me are at least a year my senior. I've been told I'm very attractive, but that's from those who are drunk, flirtatious or out of my age range.
How does this all lead to the mix I'm presenting? "Cut Your Losses" is my means of distinguishing whether love is lust, attraction is approved, timespan is tolerable and, in the final outcome, what lies ahead.
It goes through stages - the first three tracks are from the modern classical stable, with piano and strings; soul food for perceiving things not through rose tinted glasses. Long-form ambient pieces are then supplemented to draw out thoughts. The set ends with Zelienople's "Christmas", The Daysleepers "Lovesparkles" and Slowdive's "Waves".
Three angles conclude that I've time until I find a lady with the same trajectory as mine, willing to give, provide for each other, subvert the common perception, go beyond the banal and thrive on communicaton that is undertowed by friendship, not instinctual saccharine.
TRACKLISTING
01. Nils Frahm - Over There It's Raining (from the album The Bells)
02. Olafur Arnalds - Lokau Augunum (from the album Dyad 1909)
03. August Stars - Noreaster (from the album Midwinter)
04. Epeus Reichenback - Apartness (from the album Etherized)
05. Spherueleus - Blue Moon (from the album The Disguised Familiar)
06. Yui Onodera - Untitled 1 (from the album Punkt)
07. Saito Koji - Candle (from the album Candle)
08. Zelienople - Christmas (from the album Pajama Avenue)
09. The Daysleepers - Lovesparkles (from the album Drowned In A Sea Of Sound)
10. Slowdive - Waves (from the album Just For A Day)
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